LLR Books

Financing Finnegan



Esquire (January 1938)
I
Finnegan and I have the same literary agent to sell our writings for us — but though I’d often been in Mr. Cannon’s office just before and just after Finnegan’s visits, I had never met him. Likewise we had the same publisher and often when I arrived there Finnegan had just departed. I gathered from a thoughtful sighing way in which they spoke of him —
“Ah — Finnegan — ”
“Oh yes, Finnegan was here.”
— that the distinguished author’s visit had been not uneventful. Certain remarks implied that he had taken something with him when he went — manuscripts, I supposed, one of those great successful novels of his. He had taken “it” off for a final revision, a last draft, of which he was rumored to make ten in order to achieve that facile flow, that ready wit, which distinguished his work. I discovered only gradually that most of Finnegan’s visits had to do with money.
“I’m sorry you’re leaving,” Mr. Cannon would tell me, “Finnegan will be here tomorrow.” Then after a thoughtful pause,“I’ll probably have to spend some time with him.”
I don’t know what note in his voice reminded me of a talk with a nervous bank president when Dillinger was reported in the vicinity. His eyes looked out into the distance and he spoke as to himself:
“Of course he may be bringing a manuscript. He has a novel he’s working on, you know. And a play too.”
He spoke as though he were talking about some interesting but remote events of the cinquecento; but his eyes became more hopeful as he added: “Or maybe a short story.”
“He’s very versatile, isn’t he?” I said.
“Oh yes,” Mr. Cannon perked up. “He can do anything — anything when he puts his mind to it. There’s never been such a talent.”
“I haven’t seen much of his work lately.”
“Oh, but he’s working hard. Some of the magazines have stories of his that they’re holding.”
“Holding for what?”
“Oh, for a more appropriate time — an upswing. They like to think they have something of Finnegan’s.”
His was indeed a name with ingots in it. His career had started brilliantly and if it had not kept up to its first exalted level, at least it started brilliantly all over again every few years. He was the perennial man of promise in American letters — what he could actually do with words was astounding, they glowed and coruscated — he wrote sentences, paragraphs, chapters that were masterpieces of fine weaving and spinning. It was only when I met some poor devil of a screen writer who had been trying to make a logical story out of one of his books that I realized he had his enemies.
“It’s all beautiful when you read it,” this man said disgustedly, “but when you write it down plain it’s like a week in the nut-house.”
From Mr. Cannon’s office I went over to my publishers on Fifth Avenue and there too I learned in no time that Finnegan was expected tomorrow.
Indeed he had thrown such a long shadow before him that the luncheon where I expected to discuss my own work was largely devoted to Finnegan. Again I had the feeling that my host, Mr. George Jaggers, was talking not to me but to himself.
“Finnegan’s a great writer,” he said.
“Undoubtedly.”
“And he’s really quite all right, you know.”
As I hadn’t questioned the fact I inquired whether there was any doubt about it.
“Oh no,” he said hurriedly. “It’s just that he’s had such a run of hard luck lately — ”
I shook my head sympathetically. “I know. That diving into a half-empty pool was a tough break.”
“Oh, it wasn’t half-empty. It was full of water. Full to the brim. You ought to hear Finnegan on the subject — he makes a side-splitting story of it. It seems he was in a run-down condition and just diving from the side of the pool, you know — ” Mr. Jaggers pointed his knife and fork at the table, “and he saw some young girls diving from the fifteen-foot board. He says he thought of his lost youth and went up to do the same and made a beautiful swan dive — but his shoulder broke while he was still in the air.” He looked at me rather anxiously. “Haven’t you heard of cases like that — a ball player throwing his arm out of joint?”
I couldn’t think of any orthopedic parallels at the moment.
“And then,” he continued dreamily, “Finnegan had to write on the ceiling.”
“On the ceiling?”
“Practically. He didn’t give up writing — he has plenty of guts, that fellow, though you may not believe it. He had some sort of arrangement built that was suspended from the ceiling and he lay on his back and wrote in the air.”
I had to grant that it was a courageous arrangement.
“Did it affect his work?” I inquired. “Did you have to read his stories backward — like Chinese?”
“They were rather confused for a while,” he admitted, “but he’s all right now. I got several letters from him that sounded more like the old Finnegan — full of life and hope and plans for the future — ”
The faraway look came into his face and I turned the discussion to affairs closer to my heart. Only when we were back in his office did the subject recur — and I blush as I write this because it includes confessing something I seldom do —reading another man’s telegram. It happened because Mr. Jaggers was intercepted in the hall and when I went into his office and sat down it was stretched out open before me:
WITH FIFTY I COULD AT LEAST PAY TYPIST AND GET HAIRCUT AND PENCILS LIFE HAS BECOME IMPOSSIBLE AND I EXIST ON DREAM OF GOOD NEWS DESPERATELY FINNEGAN
I couldn’t believe my eyes — fifty dollars, and I happened to know that Finnegan’s price for short stories was somewhere around three thousand. George Jaggers found me still staring dazedly at the telegram. After he read it he stared at me with stricken eyes.
“I don’t see how I can conscientiously do it,” he said.
I started and glanced around to make sure I was in the prosperous publishing office in New York. Then I understood — I had misread the telegram. Finnegan was asking for fifty thousand as an advance — a demand that would have staggered any publisher no matter who the writer was.
“Only last week,” said Mr. Jaggers disconsolately, “I sent him a hundred dollars. It puts my department in the red every season, so I don’t dare tell my partners any more. I take it out of my own pocket — give up a suit and a pair of shoes.”
“You mean Finnegan’s broke?”
“Broke!” He looked at me and laughed soundlessly — in fact I didn’t exactly like the way that he laughed. My brother had a nervous — but that is afield from this story. After a minute he pulled himself together. “You won’t say anything about this, will you? The truth is Finnegan’s been in a slump, he’s had blow after blow in the past few years, but now he’s snapping out of it and I know we’ll get back every cent we’ve — ” He tried to think of a word but “given him”slipped out. This time it was he who was eager to change the subject.
Don’t let me give the impression that Finnegan’s affairs absorbed me during a whole week in New York — it was inevitable, though, that being much in the offices of my agent and my publisher, I happened in on a lot. For instance, two days later, using the telephone in Mr. Cannon’s office, I was accidentally switched in on a conversation he was having with George Jaggers. It was only partly eavesdropping, you see, because I could only hear one end of the conversation and that isn’t as bad as hearing it all.
“But I got the impression he was in good health . . . he did say something about his heart a few months ago but I understood it got well . . . yes, and he talked about some operation he wanted to have — I think he said it was cancer . . . . Well, I felt like telling him I had a little operation up my sleeve too, that I’d have had by now if I could afford it.. .. No, I didn’t say it. He seemed in such good spirits that it would have been a shame to bring him down. He’s starting a story today, he read me some of it on the phone. . . .
“ . . . I did give him twenty-five because he didn’t have a cent in his pocket . . . oh, yes — I’m sure he’ll be all right now. He sounds as if he means business.”
I understood it all now. The two men had entered into a silent conspiracy to cheer each other up about Finnegan. Their investment in him, in his future, had reached a sum so considerable that Finnegan belonged to them. They could not bear to hear a word against him — even from themselves.
II
I spoke my mind to Mr. Cannon. “If this Finnegan is a four-flusher you can’t go on indefinitely giving him money. If he’s through he’s through and there’s nothing to be done about it. It’s absurd that you should put off an operation when Finnegan’s out somewhere diving into half-empty swimming pools.”
“It was full,” said Mr. Cannon patiently — “full to the brim.”
“Well, full or empty the man sounds like a nuisance to me.”
“Look here,” said Cannon, “I’ve got a talk to Hollywood due on the wire. Meanwhile you might glance over that.” He threw a manuscript into my lap. “Maybe it’ll help you understand. He brought it in yesterday.”
It was a short story. I began it in a mood of disgust but before I’d read five minutes I was completely immersed in it, utterly charmed, utterly convinced and wishing to God I could write like that. When Cannon finished his phone call I kept him waiting while I finished it and when I did there were tears in these hard old professional eyes. Any magazine in the country would have run it first in any issue.
But then nobody had ever denied that Finnegan could write.
III
Months passed before I went again to New York, and then, so far as the offices of my agent and my publisher were concerned, I descended upon a quieter, more stable world. There was at last time to talk about my own conscientious if uninspired literary pursuits, to visit Mr. Cannon in the country and to kill summer evenings with George Jaggers where the vertical New York starlight falls like lingering lightning into restaurant gardens. Finnegan might have been at the North Pole — and as a matter of fact he was. He had quite a group with him, including three Bryn Mawr anthropologists, and it sounded as if he might collect a lot of material there. They were going to stay several months, and if the thing had somehow the ring of a promising little house party about it, that was probably due to my jealous, cynical disposition.
“We’re all just delighted,” said Cannon. “It’s a God-send for him. He was fed up and he needed just this — this — ”
“Ice and snow,” I supplied.
“Yes, ice and snow. The last thing he said was characteristic of him. Whatever he writes is going to be pure white —it’s going to have a blinding glare about it.”
“I can imagine it will. But tell me — who’s financing it? Last time I was here I gathered the man was insolvent.”
“Oh, he was really very decent about that. He owed me some money and I believe he owed George Jaggers a little too — ”He “believed,” the old hypocrite. He knew damn well — “so before he left he made most of his life insurance over to us. That’s in case he doesn’t come back — those trips are dangerous of course.”
“I should think so,” I said — “especially with three anthropologists.”
“So Jaggers and I are absolutely covered in case anything happens — it’s as simple as that.”
“Did the life-insurance company finance the trip?”
He fidgeted perceptibly.
“Oh, no. In fact when they learned the reason for the assignments they were a little upset. George Jaggers and I felt that when he had a specific plan like this with a specific book at the end of it, we were justified in backing him a little further.”
“I don’t see it,” I said flatly.
“You don’t?” The old harassed look came back into his eyes. “Well, I’ll admit we hesitated. In principle I know it’s wrong. I used to advance authors small sums from time to time, but lately I’ve made a rule against it — and kept it. It’s only been waived once in the last two years and that was for a woman who was having a bad struggle — Margaret Trahill, do you know her? She was an old girl of Finnegan’s, by the way.”
“Remember I don’t even know Finnegan.”
“That’s right. You must meet him when he comes back — if he does come back. You’d like him — he’s utterly charming.”
Again I departed from New York, to imaginative North Poles of my own, while the year rolled through summer and fall. When the first snap of November was in the air, I thought of the Finnegan expedition with a sort of shiver and any envy of the man departed. He was probably earning any loot, literary or anthropological, he might bring back. Then, when I hadn’t been back in New York three days, I read in the paper that he and some other members of his party had walked off into a snowstorm when the food supply gave out, and the Arctic had claimed another sacrifice.
I was sorry for him, but practical enough to be glad that Cannon and Jaggers were well protected. Of course, with Finnegan scarcely cold — if such a simile is not too harrowing — they did not talk about it but I gathered that the insurance companies had waived habeas corpus or whatever it is in their lingo, and it seemed quite sure that they would collect.
His son, a fine looking young fellow, came into George Jaggers’ office while I was there and from him I could guess at Finnegan’s charm — a shy frankness together with an impression of a very quiet brave battle going on inside of him that he couldn’t quite bring himself to talk about — but that showed as heat lightning in his work.
“The boy writes well too,” said George after he had gone. “He’s brought in some remarkable poems. He’s not ready to step into his father’s shoes, but there’s a definite promise.”
“Can I see one of his things?”
“Certainly — here’s one he left just as he went out.”
George took a paper from his desk, opened it and cleared his throat. Then he squinted and bent over a little in his chair.
“Dear Mr. Jaggers,” he began, “I didn’t like to ask you this in person — ” Jaggers stopped, his eyes reading ahead rapidly.
“How much does he want?” I inquired.
He sighed.
“He gave me the impression that this was some of his work,” he said in a pained voice.
“But it is,” I consoled him. “Of course he isn’t quite ready to step into his father’s shoes.”
I was sorry afterwards to have said this, for after all Finnegan had paid his debts, and it was nice to be alive now that better times were back and books were no longer rated as unnecessary luxuries. Many authors I knew who had skimped along during the depression were now making long-deferred trips or paying off mortgages or turning out the more finished kind of work that can only be done with a certain leisure and security. I had just got a thousand dollars advance for a venture in Hollywood and was going to fly out with all the verve of the old days when there was chicken feed in every pot. Going in to say good-by to Cannon and collect the money, it was nice to find he too was profiting — wanted me to go along and see a motor boat he was buying.
But some last-minute stuff came up to delay him and I grew impatient and decided to skip it. Getting no response to a knock on the door of his sanctum, I opened it anyhow.
The inner office seemed in some confusion. Mr. Cannon was on several telephones at once and dictating something about an insurance company to a stenographer. One secretary was getting hurriedly into her hat and coat as upon an errand and another was counting bills from her purse.
“It’ll be only a minute,” said Cannon, “it’s just a little office riot — you never saw us like this.”
“Is it Finnegan’s insurance?” I couldn’t help asking. “Isn’t it any good?”
“His insurance — oh, perfectly all right, perfectly. This is just a matter of trying to raise a few hundred in a hurry. The banks are closed and we’re all contributing.”
“I’ve got that money you just gave me,” I said. “I don’t need all of it to get to the coast.” I peeled off a couple of hundred. “Will this be enough?”
“That’ll be fine — it just saves us. Never mind, Miss Carlsen. Mrs. Mapes, you needn’t go now.”
“I think I’ll be running along,” I said.
“Just wait two minutes,” he urged. “I’ve only got to take care of this wire. It’s really splendid news. Bucks you up.”
It was a cablegram from Oslo, Norway — before I began to read I was full of a premonition.
AM MIRACULOUSLY SAFE HERE BUT DETAINED BY AUTHORITIES PLEASE WIRE PASSAGE MONEY FOR FOUR PEOPLE AND TWO HUNDRED EXTRA I AM BRINGING BACK PLENTY GREETINGS FROM THE DEAD.
FINNEGAN
“Yes, that’s splendid,” I agreed. “He’ll have a story to tell now.”
“Won’t he though,” said Cannon. “Miss Carlsen, will you wire the parents of those girls — and you’d better inform Mr. Jaggers.”
As we walked along the street a few minutes later, I saw that Mr. Cannon, as if stunned by the wonder of this news, had fallen into a brown study, and I did not disturb him, for after all I did not know Finnegan and could not whole-heartedly share his joy. His mood of silence continued until we arrived at the door of the motor boat show. Just under the sign he stopped and stared upward, as if aware for the first time where we were going.
“Oh, my,” he said, stepping back. “There’s no use going in here now. I thought we were going to get a drink.”
We did. Mr. Cannon was still a little vague, a little under the spell of the vast surprise — he fumbled so long for the money to pay his round that I insisted it was on me.
I think he was in a daze during that whole time because, though he is a man of the most punctilious accuracy, the two hundred I handed him in his office has never shown to my credit in the statements he has sent me. I imagine, though, that some day I will surely get it because some day Finnegan will click again and I know that people will clamor to read what he writes. Recently I’ve taken it upon myself to investigate some of the stories about him and I’ve found that they’re mostly as false as the half-empty pool. That pool was full to the brim.
So far there’s only been a short story about the polar expedition, a love story. Perhaps it wasn’t as big a subject as he expected. But the movies are interested in him — if they can get a good long look at him first and I have every reason to think that he will come through. He’d better.

An Alcoholic Case



Esquire (February 1937)
I
‘Let — go — that — Oh-h-h! Please, now, will you? Don’t start drinking again! Come on — give me the bottle. I told you I’d stay awake givin’ it to you. Come on. If you do like that a-way — then what are you going to be like when you go home. Come on — leave it with me — I’ll leave half in the bottle. Pul-lease. You know what Dr Carter says — I’ll stay awake and give it to you, or else fix some of it in the bottle — come on — like I told you, I’m too tired to be fightin’ you all night. . . . All right, drink your fool self to death.’
‘Would you like some beer?’ he asked.
‘No, I don’t want any beer. Oh, to think that I have to look at you drunk again. My God!’
‘Then I’ll drink the Coca Cola.’
The girl sat down panting on the bed.
‘Don’t you believe in anything?’ she demanded.
‘Nothing you believe in — please — it’ll spill.’
She had no business there, she thought, no business trying to help him. Again they struggled, but after this time he sat with his head in his hands awhile, before he turned around once more.
‘Once more you try to get it I’ll throw it down,’ she said quickly. ‘I will — on the tiles in the bathroom.’
‘Then I’ll step on the broken glass — or you’ll step on it.’
‘Then let go — oh you promised — ’
Suddenly she dropped it like a torpedo, sliding underneath her hand and slithering with a flash of red and black and the words: SIR GALAHAD, DISTILLED LOUISVILLE GIN. He took it by the neck and tossed it through the open door to the bathroom.
It was on the floor in pieces and everything was silent for a while and she read Gone With the Wind about things so lovely that had happened long ago. She began to worry that he would have to go into the bathroom and might cut his feet, and looked up from time to time to see if he would go in. She was very sleepy — the last time she looked up he was crying and he looked like an old Jewish man she had nursed once in California; he had had to go to the bathroom many times. On this case she was unhappy all the time but she thought:
‘I guess if I hadn’t liked him I wouldn’t have stayed on the case.’
With a sudden resurgence of conscience she got up and put a chair in front of the bathroom door. She had wanted to sleep because he had got her up early that morning to get a paper with the story of the Yale-Dartmouth game in it and she hadn’t been home all day. That afternoon a relative of his had come to see him and she had waited outside in the hall where there was a draught with no sweater to put over her uniform.
As well as she could she arranged him for sleeping, put a robe over his shoulders as he sat slumped over his writing table, and one on his knees. She sat down in the rocker but she was no longer sleepy; there was plenty to enter on the chart and treading lightly about she found a pencil and put it down:
Pulse 120
Respiration 25
Temp. 98 — 98.4 — 98.2
Remarks —
— She could make so many:
Tried to get bottle of gin. Threw it away and broke it.
She corrected it to read:
In the struggle it dropped and was broken. Patient was generally difficult.
She started to add as part of her report: I never want to go on an alcoholic case again, but that wasn’t in the picture. She knew she could wake herself at seven and clean up everything before his niece awakened. It was all part of the game. But when she sat down in the chair she looked at his face, white and exhausted, and counted his breathing again, wondering why it had all happened. He had been so nice today, drawn her a whole strip of his cartoon just for fun and given it to her. She was going to have it framed and hang it in her room. She felt again his thin wrists wrestling against her wrist and remembered the awful things he had said, and she thought too of what the doctor had said to him yesterday:
‘You’re too good a man to do this to yourself.’
She was tired and didn’t want to clean up the glass on the bathroom floor, because as soon as he breathed evenly she wanted to get him over to the bed. But she decided finally to clean up the glass first; on her knees, searching a last piece of it, she thought:
— This isn’t what I ought to be doing. And this isn’t what he ought to be doing.
Resentfully she stood up and regarded him. Through the thin delicate profile of his nose came a light snore, sighing, remote, inconsolable. The doctor had shaken his head in a certain way, and she knew that really it was a case that was beyond her. Besides, on her card at the agency was written, on the advice of her elders, ‘No Alcoholics’.
She had done her whole duty, but all she could think of was that when she was struggling about the room with him with that gin bottle there had been a pause when he asked her if she had hurt her elbow against a door and that she had answered: ‘You don’t know how people talk about you, no matter how you think of yourself — ’ when she knew he had a long time ceased to care about such things.
The glass was all collected — as she got out a broom to make sure, she realized that the glass, in its fragments, was less than a window through which they had seen each other for a moment. He did not know about her sister, and Bill Markoe whom she had almost married, and she did not know what had brought him to this pitch, when there was a picture on his bureau of his young wife and his two sons and him, all trim and handsome as he must have been five years ago. It was so utterly senseless — as she put a bandage on her finger where she had cut it while picking up the glass she made up her mind she would never take an alcoholic case again.
II
It was early the next evening. Some Halloween jokester had split the side windows of the bus and she shifted back to the Negro section in the rear for fear the glass might fall out. She had her patient’s cheque but no way to cash it at this hour; there was a quarter and a penny in her purse.
Two nurses she knew were waiting in the hall of Mrs Hixson’s Agency.
‘What kind of case have you been on?’
‘Alcoholic,’ she said.
‘Oh, yes — Gretta Hawks told me about it — you were on with that cartoonist who lives at the Forest Park Inn.’
‘Yes, I was.’
‘I hear he’s pretty fresh.’
‘He’s never done anything to bother me,’ she lied. ‘You can’t treat them as if they were committed — ’
‘Oh, don’t get bothered — I just heard that around town — oh, you know — they want you to play around with them — ’
‘Oh, be quiet,’ she said, surprised at her own rising resentment.
In a moment Mrs Hixson came out and, asking the other two to wait, signalled her into the office.
‘I don’t like to put young girls on such cases,’ she began. ‘I got your call from the hotel.’
‘Oh, it wasn’t bad, Mrs Hixson. He didn’t know what he was doing and he didn’t hurt me in any way. I was thinking much more of my reputation with you. He was really nice all day yesterday. He drew me — ’
‘I didn’t want to send you on that case.’ Mrs Hixson thumbed through the registration cards. ‘You take T.B. cases, don’t you? Yes, I see you do. Now here’s one — ’
The phone rang in a continuous chime. The nurse listened as Mrs Hixson’s voice said precisely:
‘I will do what I can — that is simply up to the doctor . . . That is beyond my jurisdiction . . . Oh, hello, Hattie, no, I can’t now. Look, have you got any nurse that’s good with alcoholics? There’s somebody up at the Forest Park Inn who needs somebody. Call back will you?’
She put down the receiver. ‘Suppose you wait outside. What sort of man is this, anyhow? Did he act indecently?’
‘He held my hand away,’ she said, ‘so I couldn’t give him an injection.’
‘Oh, an invalid he-man,’ Mrs Hixson grumbled. ‘They belong in sanatoria. I’ve got a case coming along in two minutes that you can get a little rest on. It’s an old woman — ’
The phone rang again. ‘Oh, hello, Hattie. . . . Well, how about that big Svensen girl? She ought to be able to take care of any alcoholic. . . . How about Josephine Markham? Doesn’t she live in your apartment house? . . . Get her to the phone.’ Then after a moment, ‘Joe, would you care to take the case of a well-known cartoonist, or artist, whatever they call themselves, at Forest Park Inn? . . . No, I don’t know, but Dr Carter is in charge and will be around about ten o’clock.’
There was a long pause; from time to time Mrs Hixson spoke:
‘I see . . . Of course, I understand your point of view. Yes, but this isn’t supposed to be dangerous — just a little difficult. I never like to send girls to a hotel because I know what riff-raff you’re liable to run into. . . . No, I’ll find somebody. Even at this hour. Never mind and thanks. Tell Hattie I hope that the hat matches the négligé. . . . ’
Mrs Hixson hung up the receiver and made notations on the pad before her. She was a very efficient woman. She had been a nurse and had gone through the worst of it, had been a proud, idealistic, overworked probationer, suffered the abuse of smart internees and the insolence of her first patients, who thought that she was something to be taken into camp immediately for premature commitment to the service of old age. She swung around suddenly from the desk.
‘What kind of cases do you want? I told you I have a nice old woman — ’
The nurse’s brown eyes were alight with a mixture of thoughts — the movie she had just seen about Pasteur and the book they had all read about Florence Nightingale when they were student nurses. And their pride, swinging across the streets in the cold weather at Philadelphia General, as proud of their new capes as débutantes in their furs going into balls at the hotels.
‘I— I think I would like to try the case again,’ she said amid a cacophony of telephone bells. ‘I’d just as soon go back if you can’t find anybody else.’
‘But one minute you say you’ll never go on an alcoholic case again and the next minute you say you want to go back to one.’
‘I think I overestimated how difficult it was. Really, I think I could help him.’
‘That’s up to you. But if he tried to grab your wrists.’
‘But he couldn’t,’ the nurse said. ‘Look at my wrists: I played basketball at Waynesboro High for two years. I’m quite able to take care of him.’
Mrs Hixson looked at her for a long minute. ‘Well, all right,’ she said. ‘But just remember that nothing they say when they’re drunk is what they mean when they’re sober — I’ve been all through that; arrange with one of the servants that you can call on him, because you never can tell — some alcoholics are pleasant and some of them are not, but all of them can be rotten.’
‘I’ll remember,’ the nurse said.
It was an oddly clear night when she went out, with slanting particles of thin sleet making white of a blue-black sky. The bus was the same that had taken her into town, but there seemed to be more windows broken now and the bus driver was irritated and talked about what terrible things he would do if he caught any kids. She knew he was just talking about the annoyance in general, just as she had been thinking about the annoyance of an alcoholic. When she came up to the suite and found him all helpless and distraught she would despise him and be sorry for him.
Getting off the bus, she went down the long steps to the hotel, feeling a little exalted by the chill in the air. She was going to take care of him because nobody else would, and because the best people of her profession had been interested in taking care of the cases that nobody else wanted.
She knocked at his study door, knowing just what she was going to say.
He answered it himself. He was in dinner clothes even to a derby hat — but minus his studs and tie.
‘Oh, hello,’ he said casually. ‘Glad you’re back. I woke up a while ago and decided I’d go out. Did you get a night nurse?’
‘I’m the night nurse too,’ she said. ‘I decided to stay on twenty-four-hour duty.’
He broke into a genial, indifferent smile.
‘I saw you were gone, but something told me you’d come back. Please find my studs. They ought to be either in a little tortoiseshell box or — ’
He shook himself a little more into his clothes, and hoisted the cuffs up inside his coat sleeves.
‘I thought you had quit me,’ he said casually.
‘I thought I had, too.’
‘If you look on that table,’ he said, ‘you’ll find a whole strip of cartoons that I drew you.’
‘Who are you going to see?’ she asked.
‘It’s the President’s secretary,’ he said. ‘I had an awful time trying to get ready. I was about to give up when you came in. Will you order me some sherry?’
‘One glass,’ she agreed wearily.
From the bathroom he called presently:
‘Oh, Nurse, Nurse, Light of my Life, where is another stud?’
‘I’ll put it in.’
In the bathroom she saw the pallor and the fever on his face and smelled the mixed peppermint and gin on his breath.
‘You’ll come up soon?’ she asked. ‘Dr Carter’s coming at ten.’
‘What nonsense! You’re coming down with me.’
‘Me?’ she exclaimed. ‘In a sweater and skirt? Imagine!’
‘Then I won’t go.’
‘All right then, go to bed. That’s where you belong anyhow. Can’t you see these people tomorrow?’
‘No, of course not!’
She went behind him and reaching over his shoulder tied his tie — his shirt was already thumbed out of press where he had put in the studs, and she suggested:
‘Won’t you put on another one, if you’ve got to meet some people you like?’
‘All right, but I want to do it myself.’
‘Why can’t you let me help you?’ she demanded in exasperation. ‘Why can’t you let me help you with your clothes? What’s a nurse for — what good am I doing?’
He sat down suddenly on the toilet seat.
‘All right — go on.’
‘Now don’t grab my wrist,’ she said, and then, ‘Excuse me.’
‘Don’t worry. It didn’t hurt. You’ll see in a minute.’
She had the coat, vest, and stiff shirt off him but before she could pull his undershirt over his head he dragged at his cigarette, delaying her.
‘Now watch this,’ he said. ‘One — two — three.’
She pulled up the undershirt; simultaneously he thrust the crimson-grey point of the cigarette like a dagger against his heart. It crushed out against a copper plate on his left rib about the size of a silver dollar, and he said ‘Ouch!’as a stray spark fluttered down against his stomach.
Now was the time to be hard-boiled, she thought. She knew there were three medals from the war in his jewel box, but she had risked many things herself: tuberculosis among them and one time something worse, though she had not known it and had never quite forgiven the doctor for not telling her.
‘You’ve had a hard time with that, I guess,’ she said lightly as she sponged him. ‘Won’t it ever heal?’
‘Never. That’s a copper plate.’
‘Well, it’s no excuse for what you’re doing to yourself.’
He bent his great brown eyes on her, shrewd — aloof, confused. He signalled to her, in one second, his Will to Die, and for all her training and experience she knew she could never do anything constructive with him. He stood up, steadying himself on the wash-basin and fixing his eyes on some place just ahead.
‘Now, if I’m going to stay here you’re not going to get at that liquor,’ she said.
Suddenly she knew he wasn’t looking for that. He was looking at the corner where he had thrown the bottle the night before. She stared at his handsome face, weak and defiant — afraid to turn even half-way because she knew that death was in that corner where he was looking. She knew death — she had heard it, smelt its unmistakable odour, but she had never seen it before it entered into anyone, and she knew this man saw it in the corner of his bathroom; that it was standing there looking at him while he spat from a feeble cough and rubbed the result into the braid of his trousers. It shone there crackling for a moment as evidence of the last gesture he ever made.
She tried to express it next day to Mrs Hixson:
‘It’s not like anything you can beat — no matter how hard you try. This one could have twisted my wrists until he strained them and that wouldn’t matter so much to me. It’s just that you can’t really help them and it’s so discouraging— it’s all for nothing.’

“I Didn’t Get Over”



Esquire (October, 1936)
I was ‘sixteen in college and it was our twentieth reunion this year. We always called ourselves the“War Babies” — anyhow we were all in the damn thing and this time there was more talk about the war than at any previous reunion; perhaps because war’s in the air once more.
Three of us were being talkative on the subject in Pete’s back room the night after commencement, when a classmate came in and sat down with us. We knew he was a classmate because we remembered his face and name vaguely, and he marched with us in the alumni parade, but he’d left college as a junior and had not been back these twenty years.
“Hello there — ah — Hib,” I said after a moment’s hesitation. The others took the cue and we ordered a round of beer and went on with what we were talking about.
“I tell you it was kind of moving when we laid that wreath this afternoon.” He referred to a bronze plaque commemorating the ‘sixteeners who died in the war, “ — to read the names of Abe Danzer and Pop McGowan and those fellows and to think they’ve been dead for twenty years and we’ve only been getting old.”
“To be that young again I’d take a chance on another war,” I said, and to the new arrival, “Did you get over, Hib?”
“I was in the army but I didn’t get over.”
The war and the beer and the hours flowed along. Each of us shot off our mouths about something amusing, or unique, or terrible — all except Hib. Only when a pause came he said almost apologetically:
“I would have gotten over except that I was supposed to have slapped a little boy.”
We looked at him inquiringly.
“Of course I didn’t,” he added. “But there was a row about it.” His voice died away but we encouraged him — we had talked a lot and he seemed to rate a hearing.
“Nothing much to tell. The little boy, downtown with his father, said some officer with a blue M. P. band slapped him in the crowd and he picked me! A month afterwards they found he was always accusing soldiers of slapping, so they let me go. What made me think of it was Abe Danzer’s name on that plaque this afternoon. They put me in Leavenworth for a couple of weeks while they investigated me, and he was in the next cell to mine.”
“Abe Danzer!“
He had been sort of a class hero and we all exclaimed aloud in the same breath. “Why he was recommended for the D. S. C!”
“I know it.”
“What on earth was Abe Danzer doing in Leavenworth?”
Again Hibbing became apologetic.
“Oddly enough I was the man who arrested him. But he didn’t blame me because it was all in line of duty, and when I turned up in the next cell a few months later he even laughed about it.”
We were all interested now.
“What did you have to arrest him for?”
“Well, I’d been put on Military Police in Kansas City and almost the first call I got was to take a detail of men with fixed bayonets to the big hotel there — I forget the name — and go to a certain room. When I tapped on the door I never saw so many shoulder stars and shoulder leaves in my life; there were at least a brace apiece of generals and colonels. And in the center stood Abe Danzer and a girl — a tart — both of them drunk as monkeys. But it took me a minute’s blinking before I realized what else was the matter: the girl had on Abe’s uniform overcoat and cap and Abe had on her dress and hat. They’d gone down in the lobby like that and run straight into the divisional commander.”
We three looked at him, first incredulous, then shocked, finally believing. We started to laugh but couldn’t quite laugh, only looked at Hibbing with silly half-smiles on our faces, imagining ourselves in Abe’s position.
“Did he recognize you?” I asked finally.
“Vaguely.”
“Then what happened?”
“It was short and sweet. We changed the clothes on them, put their heads in cold water, then I stood them between two files of bayonets and said, forward march.”
“And marched old Abe off to prison!” we exclaimed. “It must have been a crazy feeling.”
“It was. From the expression in that general’s face I thought they’d probably shoot him. When they put me in Leavenworth a couple of months later I was relieved to find he was still alive.”
“I can’t understand it,” Joe Boone said. “He never drank in college.”
“That all goes back to his D. S. C,” said Hibbing.
“You know about that too?”
“Oh yes, we were in the same division — we were from the same state.”
“I thought you didn’t get overseas.”
“I didn’t. Neither did Abe. But things seemed to happen to him. Of course nothing like what you fellows must have seen— ”
“How did he get recommended for the D. S. C,” I interrupted, “ — and what did it have to do with his taking to drink?”
“Well, those drownings used to get on his nerves and he used to dream about it — ”
“What drownings? For God’s sake, man, you’re driving us crazy. It’s like that story about ‘what killed the dog.’”
“A lot of people thought he had nothing to do with the drownings. They blamed the trench mortar.”
We groaned — but there was nothing to do but let him tell it his own way.
“Just what trench mortar?” I asked patiently.
“Rather I mean a Stokes mortar. Remember those old stove-pipes, set at forty-five degrees? You dropped a shell down the mouth.”
We remembered.
“Well, the day this happened Abe was in command of what they called the ‘fourth battalion,’ marching it out fifteen miles to the rifle range. It wasn’t really a battalion — it was the machine gun company, supply company, medical detachment and Headquarters Company. The H. Q. Company had the trench mortars and the one-pounder and the signal corps, band and mounted orderlies — a whole menagerie in itself. Abe commanded that company but on this day most of the medical and supply officers had to go ahead with the advance, so as ranking first lieutenant he commanded the other companies besides. I tell you he must have been proud that day — twenty-one and commanding a battalion; he rode a horse at the head of it and probably pretended to himself that he was Stonewall Jackson. Say, all this must bore you — it happened on the safe side of the ocean.”
“Go on.”
“Well, we were in Georgia then, and they have a lot of those little muddy rivers with big old rafts they pull across on a slow cable. You could carry about a hundred men if you packed them in. When Abe’s ‘battalion’ got to this river about noon he saw that the third battalion just ahead wasn’t even half over, and he figured it would be a full hour at the rate that boat was going to and fro. So he marched the men a little down the shore to get some shade and was just about to let them have chow when an officer came riding up all covered with dust and said he was Captain Brown and where was the officer commanding Headquarters Company.
“‘That’s me, sir,’ said Abe.
“‘Well, I just got in to camp and I’m taking command,’ the officer said. And then, as if it was Abe’s fault, ‘I had to ride like hell to catch up with you. Where’s the company?’
“‘Right here, sir — and next is the supply, and next is the medical — I was just going to let them eat — ’
“At the look in his eye Abe shut up. The captain wasn’t going to let them eat yet and probably for no more reason than to show off his authority. He wasn’t going to let them rest either — he wanted to see what his company looked like (he’d never seen a Headquarters Company except on paper). He thought for a long time and then he decided that he’d have the trench mortar platoon throw some shells across the river for practice. He gave Abe the evil eye again when Abe told him he only had live shells along; he accepted the suggestion of sending over a couple of signal men to wigwag if any farmers were being bumped off. The signal men crossed on the barge and when they had wigwagged all clear, ran for cover themselves because a Stokes mortar wasn’t the most accurate thing in the world. Then the fun began.
“The shells worked on a time fuse and the river was too wide so the first one only made a nice little geyser under water. But the second one just hit the shore with a crash and a couple of horses began to stampede on the ferry boat in midstream only fifty yards down. Abe thought this might hold his majesty the captain but he only said they’d have to get used to shell fire — and ordered another shot. He was like a spoiled kid with an annoying toy.
“Then it happened, as it did once in a while with those mortars no matter what you did — the shell stuck in the gun. About a dozen people yelled, ‘Scatter!’ all at once and I scattered as far as anybody and lay down flat, and what did that damn fool Abe do but go up and tilt the barrel and spill out the shell. He’d saved the mortar but there were just five seconds between him and eternity and how he got away before the explosion is a mystery to me.”
At this point I interrupted Hibbing.
“I thought you said there were some people killed.”
“Oh yes — oh but that was later. The third battalion had crossed by now so Captain Brown formed the companies and we marched off to the ferry boat and began embarking. The second lieutenant in charge of the embarking spoke to the captain:
“‘This old tub’s kind of tired — been over-worked all day. Don’t try to pack them in too tight.’
“But the captain wouldn’t listen. He sent them over like sardines and each time Abe stood on the rail and shouted:
“‘Unbuckle your belts and sling your packs light on your shoulders — ’ (this without looking at the captain because he’d realized that the captain didn’t like orders except his own). But the embarking officer spoke up once more:
“‘That raft’s low in the water,’ he said. ‘I don’t like it. When you started shooting off that cannon the horses began jumping and the men ran around and unbalanced it.’
“‘Tell the captain,’ Abe said. ‘He knows everything.’
“The captain overheard this. ‘There’s just one more load,’ he said. ‘And I don’t want any more discussion about it.’
“It was a big load, even according to Captain Brown’s ideas. Abe got up on the side to make his announcement.
“‘They ought to know that by this time,’ Captain Brown snapped. ‘They’ve heard it often enough.’
“‘Not this bunch.’ Abe rattled it off anyhow and the men unloosened their belts, except a few at the far end who weren’t paying attention. Or maybe it was so jammed that they couldn’t hear.
“We began to sink when we were half way over, very slowly at first, just a little water around the shoes, but we officers didn’t say anything for fear of a panic. It had looked like a small river from the bank but here in the middle and at the rate we were going, it began to look like the widest river in the world.
“In two minutes the water was a yard high in the old soup plate and there wasn’t any use concealing things any longer. For once the captain was tongue-tied. Abe got up on the side again and said to stay calm, and not rock the boat and we’d get there, and made his speech one last time about slipping off the packs, and told the ones that could swim to jump off when it got to their hips. The men took it well but you could almost tell from their faces which ones could swim and which couldn’t.
“She went down with a big whush! just twenty yards from shore; her nose grounded in a mud bank five feet under water.
“I don’t remember much about the next fifteen minutes. I dove and swam out into the river a few yards for a view but it all looked like a mass of khaki and water with some sound over it that I remember as a sustained monotone but was composed, I suppose, of cussing, and a few yells of fright, and even a little kidding and laughter. I swam in and helped pull people to shore, but it was a slow business in our shoes . . .
“When there was nothing more in sight in the river (except one corner of the barge which had perversely decided to bob up) Captain Brown and Abe met. The captain was weak and shaking and his arrogance was gone.
“‘Oh God,’ he said. ‘What’ll I do?’
“Abe took control of things — he fell the men in and got squad reports to see if anyone was missing.
“There were three missing in the first squad alone and we didn’t wait for the rest — we called for twenty good swimmers to strip and start diving and as fast as they pulled in a body we started a medico working on it. We pulled out twenty-eight bodies and revived seven. And one of the divers didn’t come up — he was found floating down the river next day and they gave a medal and a pension to his widow.”
Hibbing paused and then added: “But I know that’s small potatoes to you fellows in the big time.”
“Sounds exciting enough to me,” said Joe Boone. “I had a good time in France but I spent most of it guarding prisoners at Brest.”
“But how about finishing this?” I demanded. “Why did this drive Abe hell-raising?”
“That was the captain,” said Hibbing slowly. “A couple of officers tried to get Abe a citation or something for the trench mortar thing. The captain didn’t like that, and he began going around saying that when Abe jumped up on the side of the barge to give the unsling order, he’d hung on to the ferry cable and pulled it out of whack. The captain found a couple of people who agreed with him but there were others who thought it was overloading and the commotion the horses made at the shell bursts. But Abe was never very happy in the army after that.”
There was an emphatic interruption in the person of Pete himself who said in no uncertain words:
“Mr. Tomlinson and Mr. Boone. Your wives say they’re calling for the last time. They say this has been one night too often, and if you don’t get back to the Inn in ten minutes they driving to Philadelphia.”
Tommy and Joe Boone arose reluctantly.
“I’m afraid I’ve monopolized the evening,” said Hibbing. “And after what you fellows must have seen.”
When they had gone I lingered.
“So Abe wasn’t killed in France.”
“No — you’ll notice all that tablet says is ‘died in service.’”
“What did he die of?”
Hibbing hesitated.
“He was shot by a guard trying to escape from Leavenworth. They’d given him ten years.”
“God! And what a great guy he was in college.”
“I suppose he was to his friends. But he was a good deal of a snob wasn’t he?”
“Maybe to some people.”
“He didn’t seem to even recognize a lot of his classmates when he met them in the army.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just what I say. I told you something that wasn’t true tonight. That captain’s name wasn’t Brown.”
Again I asked him what he meant.
“The captain’s name was Hibbing,” he said. “I was that captain, and when I rode up to join my company he acted as if he’d never seen me before. It kind of threw me off — because I used to love this place. Well — good night.”